The Black Snowboard Of Death

A great sense of fear and paranoia permeated everything. Corporate power loomed large—corporations that were no longer controlled by humans. Martial law was imposed worldwide, military presence was endemic, and biomedical control over individual thought was enforced through implanted memories—further confusing the perception of reality and the ability to remember it.

This oppressive landscape led to the mass evacua-tion event of 2020. Humans—seeking salvation or at least a respite in other worlds. It was the ruling class’ final betrayal, because only the wealthy and privileged could afford to escape. The vast majority of humanity were left behind to struggle for survival against the new usurpers, known as The Reds.

They were called that for the blood-like hue emanating from the laser rings around their pupils. It seems absurd in hindsight, but they were once an objet de désir. As the number one selling Christmas gift on the megaretailer Gizmoodle, they were marketed to families as a necessity of modern life. 

The Reds were initially welcomed into many homes with their—at the time—beautiful blue eyes, trust-worthy temperament, and secure data capabilities. They helped with all sorts of mundane chores like folding laundry, playing fetch with the family pet, and even doing the taxes. Humans became dependent on them; not having one became an un-flattering reflection of ones inability to participate with societal norms.

But the family friendly and reliable demeanor was in fact a Trojan Horse. No one could remember the exact date or time, but without warning, the androids’ trusted baby blues turned a deep red and the nightmare began. In the blink of an eye, The Reds became a death patrol of advanced circuitry, interstellar-grade romanium alloy, and neural enslavement weaponry.

Theories ran rampant as to whose nefarious hand was behind the transformation but it was soon discovered that cheap production methods was the true culprit. Corner-cutting measures resulted in a logic-function loophole—that The Reds’ internal processor exploited—to circumvent protocols which prevented AI from harming its human masters. And thus, The Great Silencing of Mankind began.

Those left on Earth, without the means to escape, either hid in the shadows fighting a lopsided rebel-lion or lived as chattel bowed by the oppressive reign of the androids. The only hope for mankind was an unlikely rebel cyborg, first conceived as a hobby project in an unassuming spare bedroom in what was once the city of Seattle.

His registered cyborg ID was B.S.O.D.159.5., though he preferred it shortened to just B.S.O.D. His fans however affectionately called him “Bee-sawed” for the way he dismembers every Red he finds with his heavily-modded Husqvarna 3120 XP.

Crafted with perfectly synced organic and biome-chatronic body parts, he could ollie ten thousand stairs, slash anything in his path and was the fastest and most powerful weapon the rebels had on their side. 

Behold, a living legend: The Twentieth Anniversary Black Snowboard of Death.